Cds In Church

[Tony Newnham]

I just "lost" a fairly high profile funeral to a neighbouring parish.

 

The reason for this is because even before I had met or spoken to the family the FD was having to deal with a stream of demands from them as to how the Service would be. The family do not live in my parish, but earlier in the year there was a family christening here to which goodly chunk of the family arrived about 20 minutes late (with no apology). Apart from that, no other links with the church.

 

The issue in question was that the family wanted CDs playing during the service. The policy here is that if it is really vital I will allow a CD to be played "on the way out" of church (and even then I don't really like it), but I absolutely insist on the family coming into the church to the sound of the organ. Since I endeavour to ensure that we have a first class organist available, it seems somewhat ridiculous for that person to be sitting there whilst CDs are playing. The CD in question was of a song called Diana.... can't think why, because that is not the name of the deceased or spouse. Anyway the FD (who is extremely supportive and conscientious) did his best to explain that the Vicar will allow a CD to leave but not to come into church. Apparently the discussion became quite heated with the FD standing his ground for the church, and with threats made by the family to "go to another church". Since I already have five funerals this week, it isn't exactly quiet around here. The FD called me up to tell me of their threat to go elsewhere, and I did the unthinkable, and told him to tell them that it is their choice. Consequently, the family have decided not to come to us. It's their funeral. Like most clergy I guess that I don't like people coming and telling me what to do in church.

 

Brethren, is drawing the line in this manner the right thing to do? Or am I just being an old meanie??

 

Hi Quentin

 

I have somewhat mixed feelings on this one - I would want to make a judgement depending on the situation and the family concerned, rather than having a fixed policy - but I would agree with your right (and mine come to that) to lay down the conditions under which we will officiate at a funeral service - and I too would try and steer them in the direction of live music (assuming that a good organist is available! - A couple of years ago, I took a service at one of the local crematoriums - the organs (booked by the Funeral Director) was absolutely dire - I could have done better with one hand!) If there isn't a good musician available, then the situation changes again.

 

Every Blessing

 

Tony

[Peter Clark]

I see where you're coming from, but a priest can often do more by not only giving an overview of the deceased's life but also by explaining about the death and resurrection of JC and by putting it all into a Christian context.

 

I can think of two awful eulogies I've suffered recently which were given by relatives. Both were in excess of 30 minutes (!), and one of them kept saying something along the lines of "I'm sure I've gone on too long. The vicar'll stop me soon". Both said more about themselves than about the deceased. It was awful.

 

 

But crems run to a strict timetable - I know as I have served my time as a crem organist - and so anything which extends the church service will inevitably have a knock-on effect at the crem; I know of one instance when a relative of the deceased berated the FD for starting the cremation service "too early" ie before all the mouners were gathered but as the FD pointed out, had the cremation not gone ahead when scheduled it wold disturb the timing of the next cremation and so on. The reason that all the mourners were not there was due to an over-enthusistic eulogist!

 

Peter

[Tony Newnham]

But crems run to a strict timetable - I know as I have served my time as a crem organist - and so anything which extends the church service will inevitably have a knock-on effect at the crem; I know of one instance when a relative of the deceased berated the FD for starting the cremation service "too early" ie before all the mouners were gathered but as the FD pointed out, had the cremation not gone ahead when scheduled it wold disturb the timing of the next cremation and so on. The reason that all the mourners were not there was due to an over-enthusistic eulogist!

 

Peter

 

Hi

 

But lateness and over-runs do still happen sometimes! I well remember the first funeral that I officiated at. I had deliberately kept things short in church (my Father-in-Law had worked as an undertaker, so I knew a bit about the workings of the profession!) - we then crawled the 20 miles to the "local" crematorium, following the hearse at 20 mph most of the way down narrow lanes - on the last stretch, we passed the hearse so I was at the crem first - as we pulled into the drive - bang on time - the funeral in front was just unloading.

 

I once played the organ for a funeral service that was delayed by 45 mins (fortunatley that one was a burial in the churchyard) - a pile up on the M11 delayed most of the mourners. An hour plus playing a heavy tracker action is no joke!

 

My real funeral nighmare though was to arrive at the crem for an interment (having done the bulk of the service in church) to find the previous funeral waiting for the vicar (who couldn't be contacted) - I ended up taking the service - and that's an experience I'd rather not repeat.

 

Every Blessing

 

Tony