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Unintended Humour


Guest Andrew Butler
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Guest Andrew Butler

The following is lifted from the current music list on Bristol cathedral's website. Am I the only one to find the anthem choice funny?

 

3.30pm Choral Evensong with Valediction Preacher: The Dean

 

Responses: Clucas Psalm 96

 

Setting: Aston in F

 

Anthem: Here is the little door - Howells

 

Hymn: 54; 382; 376

 

Apocryphal similar tales include "Collection for AA" at a service when Brewer in D was sung...

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The following is lifted from the current music list on Bristol cathedral's website. Am I the only one to find the anthem choice funny?

 

3.30pm Choral Evensong with Valediction Preacher: The Dean

 

Responses: Clucas Psalm 96

 

Setting: Aston in F

 

Anthem: Here is the little door - Howells

 

Hymn: 54; 382; 376

 

Apocryphal similar tales include "Collection for AA" at a service when Brewer in D was sung...

 

Call me dense, but I really, really don't get it.

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Guest Andrew Butler
Call me dense, but I really, really don't get it.

 

A Valediction in a cathedral usually means saying "goodbye" to someone...Here is the... door...? :rolleyes:

 

Sorry. I know it's corny!

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I seem to remember hearing of a churchwarden who had been entrusted with the task of announcing that the Incumbent was to depart for another parish.

 

He told the congregation "We prayed to Jesus that he would bring us the right person, and he did. Now it's time for X to leave us."......(brief pause)....amd so we sing our final hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus"

 

 

 

:rolleyes:

 

H

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Nothing to do with the start of this topic, but at the place where I work, an enquiry to a music shop for a piece called Could I But Express In Song? drew the eventual reply that they were unable to find the Kodaly Buttocks Pressing Song.

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Guest Nigel ALLCOAT

I have seen/heard a few but remember only a couple mis-prints at the moment:

 

"Mash me Thoroughly" by Wesley (Cathedral List)

 

&

 

Prep School Concert Programme (following the performer's outstanding win in a number of singing competitions in the Midlands)

Barton-Pye gives us his renowned

"Penis Angelicus"

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Guest Lee Blick
I have seen/heard a few but remember only a couple mis-prints at the moment:

 

"Mash me Thoroughly" by Wesley (Cathedral List)

 

&

 

Prep School Concert Programme (following the performer's outstanding win in a number of singing competitions in the Midlands)

Barton-Pye gives us his renowned

"Penis Angelicus"

 

:rolleyes:

 

:o But isn't this the type of frivolous thread frowned upon by certain members here :mellow:

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When I was a choir-boy in the late 60s and early 70s, we had a curate who, whilst having many other virutes, was muiscally illiterate. I afraid to say that we took great delight in doctoring the printed music lists to see what we could get him to announce. Our most spectacular success was probably "Lo startled chiefs" by Dr. Crotch, although this in itself was not a total success because we'd actually altered it to read 'Lo startled chefs".

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I remember an Evensong at Windsor many years ago on St Peter's Day when the presiding minor canon got a bit tongue-tied in the third collect and sang "Make, we beseech thee, all bosh-ups and pastors..." The anthem that followed was Gibbons's setting of the same text and when the relevant chorus arrived at least three quarters of the men spontaneously sang "bosh-ups".

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I remember an Evensong at Windsor many years ago on St Peter's Day when the presiding minor canon got a bit tongue-tied in the third collect and sang "Make, we beseech thee, all bosh-ups and pastors..." The anthem that followed was Gibbons's setting of the same text and when the relevant chorus arrived at least three quarters of the men spontaneously sang "bosh-ups".

 

The only offerings I can bring are "The Lord is King by Boycey" and "I Saw the Lord by Stannah" - both spoken.

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The only offerings I can bring are "The Lord is King by Boycey" and "I Saw the Lord by Stannah" - both spoken.

Oxford Today once offered 'Blest pair of sinners' and our chaplain happily announced 'The Tedium' in Bb

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Guest Nigel ALLCOAT

Here's one that my teacher told me from York Minster where he was brought up:

 

Apparently people travelled miles to hear the unfortunate Precentor with an impediment who daily intoned that the Lord should Shave the Queen. However, there was considerable confusion when he told a packed Cathedral of Mothers' Union members to "Kindly Sit after the first hymn".

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I have seen/heard a few but remember only a couple mis-prints at the moment:

 

"Mash me Thoroughly" by Wesley (Cathedral List)

 

============================

 

 

When I was young and daft and very brave, I used to take part in barley legal road-rallies in a very powerful Ford Escort. Don't tell anyone, but we often touched speeds of 120mph, and the average over the Buttertubs Pass was about 56mph.....crazy!

 

After one particualrly fraught night, having bounced off a grass bank or two, the front wing was bent, the radiator slightly punctured, the lights pointing up, down and sideways and the engine running on three cylinders. Still, I made it back to Mattins, dumped the car outisde the church and haired off to the organ-console in a pair of overalls, just in time for the opening hymn. The normally very brightly painted and decaled car was absolutely caked with thick North Yorkshire mud from end to end.

 

Slinking unobtrusively away after the final voluntary, I went out and hoped that the car would start again; which it did after much churning, popping and banging.

 

However, down the side of the car, a young chorister had written in the mud, "Wash me throughly....please."

 

:P

 

MM

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I once played for an ecumenical service where the proceedings were kicked off by the RC priest (we were in his church). This gent was as Irish as Guinness or leprechauns and had the accent to prove it. The typed and spirit-duplicated service sheet (it was a long time ago and I was very young) informed us that the good father was to lead us in

 

'an act of tanksgiving'.

 

A few years ago a service sheet at an Easter service for which I played contained a hymn with the following couplet,

 

‘He brake the age-bound chains of Hell,

The bats from Heaven’s high portals fell’.

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I once played for an ecumenical service where the proceedings were kicked off by the RC priest (we were in his church). This gent was as Irish as Guinness or leprechauns and had the accent to prove it. The typed and spirit-duplicated service sheet (it was a long time ago and I was very young) informed us that the good father was to lead us in

 

'an act of tanksgiving'.

 

A few years ago a service sheet at an Easter service for which I played contained a hymn with the following couplet,

 

‘He brake the age-bound chains of Hell,

The bats from Heaven’s high portals fell’.

 

One of the high points of my week is when the R4 morning service comes from Ireland. I always love: "and deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the PARRRRRRRRR and the glory..."

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:P

 

:blink: But isn't this the type of frivolous thread frowned upon by certain members here :blink:

 

Not so far as I am concerned; the thread started facetiously (incidentally, Howell's anthem is 'Here is the Door' isn't it, which makes the joke just a little better), so I expected nothing more of it. What is irritating is when a serious discussion is disrupted. Until recently, I was a member of a charity's management committee, whose then chairman was capable of finding, and snorting and sniggering at, a double entendre in almost any form of words. I suggested that a routine item on the agenda, after apologies etc, should be 'Adolescent smut', so that he and those of like mind could then concentrate with the rest of us on the meeting's important business. I hope that threads like this serve the same purpose.

 

Regards.

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